E15: Dear Mrs. White Lady, Let’s Talk Resilience, Giuffre and Why I Cannot Stay Silent

Epstein Files Still Hidden, Human Traffickers Tate and Tate Given Safe Haven And the Lost Lives of Women and Girls

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Video—above is just the facts ma’am, 3 min.

For my lovely listeners audio with the expected meanderings, is below, 7 min.

Dear Mrs. White Lady,

Someone I collaborate with recently asked for my thoughts on resilience. I wanted to talk to you about it—and show my face for a change. (I promise. I won’t make a habit of it.)

Editor’s Notes:

First, I’ve pared the video back to three minutes—it’s a bit choppy. I don’t have a fancy producer, so that’s my best effort. (Sue me.) And while my fabricated assistant, Charlotte is a darn fine editor and a stickler for proper usage—she’s not the most reliable. I don’t much mind. She pops by when she’s looking for a real cup of coffee. (And a meal wavering between modest to slightly consequential.)

Second, if it looks like I’m reading in the video—yup, that checks out.

I half expect a comment or two from my Canadian friends: Hey, isn’t it nice that some Americans can still read!!

Third, my long-form DMWL (Dancing Mambo With Lesbians), “Resilience Ain’t No Thing,” will be published on Saturday or Tuesday. It all depends on the whether—like whether or not it’s ready to embrace the world without a chaperone.

As any Stack writer knows—Saturdays offer the appeal of line edits, without the added pressure of an early Sunday morning publication. While a Tuesday editing schedule lets me comfortably slide into a Thursday publication date, with no one being the wiser!

I’d like to emphasize to my Dear Mrs. White Ladies, that a French press is requisite for any well-appointed home. The essential oils from coarsely ground beans steeped in filtered water. And patience. (But not too much.) That’s the thing. Oh, and the beans. I’ll get to that later. (And your Keurig doesn’t even belong in this conversation.)

But I digress.

We have some serious things to talk over. I hope you’ll stay with me. I’ll be brief. I think it’s important.

TRANSCRIPT

On Resilence, Giuffre and Why I Cannot Stay Silent

This is Maria Lachapelle, Author of Dear Mrs. White Lady with my thoughts on resilience for the podcast, One Voice Evolving with Kim Brassor. 🔗

Everyone it would seem—except ourselves—has figured out how to emerge through trauma unscathed—as good as new—or even better.

If you have it—it is the elixir of life. The way to all happiness. Defiance in the face of cruel world. Resilience is the red carpet event for those—who having faced adversity—survived, thrived and arrived.

The only problem is, resilience is a concept stolen from the field of engineering—misguidedly so—and applied by unserious academics to the field of psychology. So, what I’m saying is, the social construct of emotional resilience, of bouncing back is a lie. And it’s harmful.

Our culture demands that we absorb the emotional pain inflicted on us. And it lets the perpetrators of cruelty and violence off the hook. We’re expected to show up like shiny, new copper pennies and tell the world:

It’s okay. I’m fine now. See?

And we learn how to mask what’s happening within us. If we don’t get over it, it’s our own damn fault.

Many of us read the headline: VIRGINIA GIUFFRE, DEAD AT 41. SUICIDE.

Was she resilient?

From outward appearances, it would seem so. Ms. Giuffre had moved on with her life. She married, moved to Western Australia. Had three children.

What we didn’t know was that Ms. Giuffre was s/a-ed for 7 years of her childhood by a family friend (yeah, I know.) At 14, she ran away to San Francisco and was trafficked by a 65 year old excuse of a man. She escaped to Florida. At 16—was trafficked by Ghislaine Maxwell and Epstein while working at Mar-a-Lago—and cast in to the abyss.

What we couldn’t have known is that in the months before her death, she sustained two brutal beatings at the hands of her estranged husband. She was hospitalized in January, then March of this year with severe bruising to her face and neck, a cracked sternum, perforated eye, kidney damage and severe internal injuries. She took her own life three weeks later.

Was she resilient?

It’s all in the telling, isn’t it. And in which chapter of her life we tell it.

The very idea of resilience implies that we come out on the other side. For Giuffre and for many victims, the trauma does not end.

What saves us is nothing new. Fortitude. Perseverance. Steeliness. Mental clarity. Belief in humanity. And some might say, faith.

But bouncing back? There ain’t no such thing.

Hugs,

-m.

P.S. I nearly forgot. Coffee. I travel with my French press tucked inside a sweatshirt with just enough ground coffee for a long weekend. You cannot imagine the delight that sharing conversation and coffee at an Algerian outpost or a seriously dank airport can bring. (I’m using dank here as a pejorative.) Gen Z’s usage, as I’m told has something or other to do with the appropriate humidity for the preservation of cannabis. Who knew?

P.S.S. Best coffee roaster ever? La Colombe in Philadelphia’s Rittenhouse Square. They roast proprietary blends for some of the best hotels in the world. I’m partial to Nice and Nizza. Oh, thanks Charlotte—you can score La Colombe online. ⛓️‍💥 I order the whole beans in the tin. It looks adorable in my pantry.

Ms. Lachapelle is neither a historian, social scientist, cultural anthropologist, economist, theologian, nor empathic Reki healer. The views expressed and stylistic choices are her own.

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Find me “over there” @smartstack.bsky.social