E10: Dear Mrs. White Lady, Putin Serves Caviar, Vodka as America Turns On Zelenskyy

MTG’s Side Piece Asks, “Do You Even Own A Suit?”

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Dear Mrs. White Lady,

After Tass filmed the Extortion d’doge of President Zelenskyy, the Kremlin could not be reached for comment. “Let it go to voicemail. It’s just America calling!”

I bet DJ-KGB had the floors of the Kremlin bangin’!

Meanwhile in America—Trump ceded America’s sovereignty to Russia. If you weren’t paying attention, you might’ve missed it.

Trump likely sold out our country for a slice of mile-high chocolate cake, two scoops of vanilla ice cream, and a Diet Coke.

“I made a beautiful deal. It was fantastic. Nobody could have made a beautiful deal like me.”

Trump played real tough: Give up all your territory and precious minerals and nobody gets hurt.

And like an undisciplined child he blurts out the surprise ending, “You’re on your own.”

Alliances and promises made by former Presidents? Yeah, they don’t apply to me.

Those guys were stupid. It should’ve never been done. It should’ve never happened.

As for my opinion of the spectacle of the White House visit with President Zelenskyy—better for it to be seen on the world’s stage for what is was 🇺🇦 🩵 💛.

A treasonous affront. A traitorous act.

And the party at the Kremlin rocks on. Dmitry Peskov shouts over the music. THAT WAS EASY! Nostrovia! (Na Zdorovie).

TRANSLATION: Hey, I’m a bit fucked-up, but wouldn’t it be hilarious if we put out a Press Statement now? It’s nearly morning in America. Dah!

“The new [U.S.] administration is rapidly changing all foreign policy configurations. This largely aligns with our [Russia’s] vision.” Moscow Times 🔗

In November 2024, Putin’s close advisor Nikolay Patrushev told the Daily Kommersant 🔗:

“To achieve success in the election, Donald Trump relied on certain forces to which he has corresponding obligations. As a responsible person, he will be obliged to fulfill them."

Which brings me back to the Party at the Kremlin.

NOW A WORD ABOUT CAVIAR

To my memory, Ossetra’s black, nutty, almost sweet and briny pearls have a texture that is both firm and liquid.

For many, it’s an acquired taste. I’m afraid I acquired that taste too young. Damn. Lured in again with epicurean delights. Those sneaky bastards.

This is about the time one might expect me to expound on the Russian or Danube Sturgeon, which produces Ossetra caviar. I could describe the environmental factors affecting caviar’s texture, color and flavor.

If I were not distracted, I might have told you the Danube Sturgeon can reach lengths of 8-10 ft and up to 24 ft. I might also wonder aloud, is this fish-beast alive when its eggs are harvested? (She is not.)

I would mention Sturgeon are queer, androgynous creatures that leave the Caspian Sea to spawn in fresh water 🔗. I likely would elaborate on how the illegal predation of the female Sturgeon—coupled with its low fertility rate—endangers its survival 🔗.

But I’ll leave that for another day.

THE LARGEST GENOCIDE YOU NEVER HEARD OF

Did you know that in 1932-33, Stalin perpetrated the genocide of Ukrainians? Killing more than 7 million people🔗. Hundreds of thousands more died in labor camps as enemies of the state.

Stalin cut off Ukraine’s food supply and starved them to death. The famine, known as “Holodomor,” killed more people than the Holocaust.

Does it bother you—Mrs. White Lady—that we never heard about the genocide of the Ukrainian people? It makes you wonder. What other pieces of history will we never hear about?

Oh, that reminds me!

Yesterday, the Pentagon began its purge of photos and critical military milestones of women and minorities from its archives. 🔗 Tens of thousands of DOD website images have been flagged for removal for DEI.

Ignorant White children and adults will ask, “What did they ever do anyway?”

And isn’t that the damn point? That’s how we Make America White Male Again.

And you can feel confident that you played a big role in making this happen!

FYI, Google and Apple removed Women’s History Month from their calendars last year 🔗. And Int’l Women’s Day had never been included. BTW, That’s today, Saturday, March 8, 🔗.

PUTIN HATES UKRAINE ALMOST AS MUCH AS HE HATES AMERICA!

Putin warns, “There is no sovereignty for Ukraine without Russia.” 🔗 Read Putin’s 2021 manifesto. I have.

“Russia has been robbed” is the single motivating theme for invading Ukraine. Now, is it any wonder Ukraine cannot trust the word of one—but two Russian dictators?

This brings me to fear for our country. I’ll tell you why.

One of the characteristics of a totalitarian police state is to mire the people in cultural conflicts. The second is to disrupt and take over agricultural and food production in order to maintain control.

USAID food sitting on tankers, trucking containers and in warehouses. Not being dispersed by volunteers because of an order from the White House. America has produce rotting in the fields. Migrant farm workers are too scared to work or have been sent to GITMO or deported. Farmers have lost international buyers for their crops.

How soon before we are in fisticuffs at the local market for the last orange. The last cut of beef. The last bottle of baby formula.

We interrupt this broadcast to bring you the latest Miss Maria Farm Report. From the Heartland of America to the Streets of St. Petersburg.

MISS MARIA’S FARM REPORT

DJT DJIA 42,801 🔺📉 224 points 🔗

DJT Eggs 🔺$2.24 to $8.17 dozen 🔗

BIDEN DJIA 44,025 📉🔻1,224 points

BIDEN Eggs ‘25: $4.10 🔗

BIDEN Eggs ‘24: $2.23 🔗

Soybeans🔺$4.11 🔗

Who’d have thought having to kill all those chickens would mean there’d be fewer hens to lay eggs! Of course we can always subsidize the chicken farms—give more government handouts to corporate-owned chicken hatcheries and egg-laying factories. I’m sure they’d take it.

It wouldn’t put more eggs on the shelves—or stop the night manager at the Winn-Dixie from price gouging us—but it was never about the price of eggs. Was it.

Hey honey, we can have breakfast at home for the same price as going out!

JOB CUTS SINCE JAN. 20. From the Federal Reserve Beige Book 🔗

Veterans Affairs 60,000

National Parks Service 1,100

IRS 40,000

Medical Research & Universities 46,000

State Dept. Foreign Service 700, 450 are career diplomats

USAID 5,600

Dept. of Education TBD,000

Federal Workers on the “Resign or You’re Fired” plan 🔗 75,000

Private Employers and Gov’t Contractors 117,000

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THE SECRET SERVICE CANNOT BE TRUSTED

The Associated Press, Reuters, Der Tagesspiegel (Germany’s leading newspaper), and HuffPost have all joined the rogues gallery of media banned from the White House and AirForce One.

The Russian—who got into the Oval undetected—could have easily been there to assassinate Zelenskyy. Why isn’t the media up in arms about a National Security Breach of this magnitude?

The Secret Service Agents pretended a Russian foreign agent hadn’t just breached the Oval Office last Friday. My bad! But no harm done!

The fix was in on Zelenskyy from the beginning.

NO REALLY—THE SECRET SERVICE CANNOT BE TRUSTED

Do you remember on January 6, the Secret Service wanted to move Mike Pence from the underground loading dock to a car? Pence recounted, “I am not getting in that vehicle,” and twice told his Security he would not go 🔗.

I believe he knew they could not protect him. They could not keep him safe. He knew the President heard the chants, “Hang Mike Pence,” and the gallows erected at the Capitol’s West face and still did nothing to stop it.

Oh, fun fact. Did you know the Gallows Guys wheeled beams of lumber across Union Square close to Independence Avenue just before dawn on Jan. 6? 🔗 Their brazenness on the videos shocked me.

Were they approached by the Secret Service Advance Detail? No, they were not. Were they charged by DOJ with any crimes? No, they were not. Did they pose a credible threat to the Line of Succession? Did they plan a heinous crime on Capitol grounds? Yup. Nothing. And nothing.

Now, I may be a bit old-fashioned—but if I see a group of guys on my street—rolling enough wooden beams to frame a two-story house—I wouldn’t just call the neighborhood watch. I’d call the FBI. If you see something, say something.

If I saw this happen in front of the U.S. Capitol, I’d ask Suri to get me the Counterterrorism Bureau at the State Department.

Wonder if they hit up IHOP afterwards or reported straight back to Roger Stone at the Willard Hotel 🔗 after their big event.

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THE MISSING SUIT AND THE BOYFRIEND

A nobody podcaster—Brian Glenn 🔗—a guy (not the guy) who’s having relations of the sexual kind with Rep. MTG from Georgia—asks the Wartime President—Why don’t you wear a suit? (Mocking) Do you even own a suit? 🔗

“Maybe I wear a suit like yours, maybe better, maybe cheaper.”

So Brian Glenn 🔗—the man that the face of MAGA wakes up to—magically finds a White House Press Pass under his pillow! Adorable.

THE SUIT AND THE DOUBLE STANDARD

Turncoat and Senator Fetterman wore gym shorts, a hoodie and black sneakers to the Inauguration at the Capitol. Was he censured for breaking the dress code? Where is the outrage, J.D.? Did he even once say “Sir, thank you Mr. President?”

I mean, even White Men can see the double standard here. Am I right?

THE HISTORY OF WHITE AMERICANS BEING THE ARBITERS OF STYLE!

Morning Show Host: What fashions are we celebrating today?

Fashion Icon Ms. Du jour: Charlotte. We’re looking at a pitch-perfect linen ensemble for our 44th President.

Cut to film: O’Bama strides in to the WH in a tan linen suit and crisp white shirt. It’s a summer morning. The rising sun is barely visible over the horizon.

Voice over: The crowd is with him. He’s got this.

Ms. Du jour: The fit is impeccable. He’s wearing that motha’ like a king. I cannot believe my eyes. Not one creased seam!

Voice over: Judges love it.

Morning Show Host: Both the Teamsters and the Steam Fitters hit the shut-off valve on the tailored duo. Tsk. A shame.

Morning Show Host: Who’s next in our lineup today?

Ms. Du jour: Just in time for Spring, we’re seeing a fashion-forward color palette from the Former First Lady, Secretary Clinton. I really love this look for her.

This collection of pantsuits in Easter pastels sets the perfect tone for a weekend brunch or a White Ladies Seminar on “Know Your Worth.”

Ooooh! Judges and Red Carpet snobs are shaking their heads. It’s a hard no.

Morning Show Host: I understand it’s an immensely popular alternative for the Church Lady crowd. And, private label Dress Barn hopes to appeal to the younger woman.

Ms. Du jour: That’s right, Charlotte. Yes. But this outfit cost her in the favorability ratings. Says here that she lost all male voters under the age of 85. Wow. That’s quite a hit for an Easter outfit. Ouch!

Morning Show Host: The Teamsters criticized her style as too man-ish. They were looking for a skirt in this event. The Steam Fitters were more scalding in their comments, “We’d pan anything she wears.” Oooh. No love lost there!

Morning Show Host: Now I understand you’ve brought us some Conservative, Right Wing German standards for White men, is that correct?

Ms. Du jour: Here we see a few versatile pieces for everyday street style. It’s the anti-suit for the Unsuited.

Hmm, that didn’t come out right. Laughs! Laughs! I guess it loses something in translation.

Ms. Du jour: We’ve styled the World Dominator Ensemble for Musk in a Prewar Vintage Wool Peacoat, we call “The Berliner.”

Morning Show Host: And you said this street attire is straight off the runways of Düsseldorf 🔗?

Ms. Du jour: That’s right, Charlotte. We like the dark palette here. It easily transitions from a ketamine creative session to a 4:20 meeting in the Oval.

Morning Show Host: Tell us what we’re looking at here.

Ms. Du jour: The Stoner-T really appeals to the forward-thinking Doge movement we’ve been hearing so much about.

Morning Show Host: And you said The Black “Dark MAGA” topper is emboldened in Germanic typeface and decorative umlauts?

Yes, it retails at $55-$102.

Ms. Du jour: This ensemble pairs perfectly with a bespoke, Gucci Accessory Child in White Chromosome XY. This adorable, walking, talking, picking machine says—“shush your mouth on cue.” Spy cam sold separately. Makes a great gift!

Morning Show Host: Oh. The Control Room is telling me we are going to skip the judge’s review. Haha! Guess when you’re the richest man on the planet you don’t really care. Laughs.

See you on the Weekend Edition of “They Wore What to Congress?”

Talk soon,

-m.

P.S. I’m leaving you with my French grandmother’s recipe for popovers. Why popovers? Because they’re hollow inside—kinda like the dry husks of men who occupy the halls of the Capitol.

P.S.S. I serve them up with a petit plat of scrambled eggs with Gruyère. (The popovers I mean—not the Congressmen). And a big pot of coffee. Perfect for a rainy Sunday, esp. if you want to go right back to bed and sleep for another four years. (Photos are mine.)